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First Question of the Year


Hey everyone, I have a question for my readers! I’d really appreciate your feed back. See the poll below to answer and help me out. I just wonder quite honestly, how often, and how many people, struggle sometimes! If you join a parenting group, you see it all the time, but often those IN a group are THERE to voice their frustrations. So I want to reach out to the open public (or at least not just those in a specific group). All responses are anonymous – I can’t see who selects what answer.

Hope you have a great day!

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Understanding Adult And Child Episodes Of Flipping Out


In my last section on parenting kids, seriously, I explained the left and right brain. Now I will explain the upstairs and downstairs brain.

The downstairs brain controls: emotions, bodily sensations and actions i.e., anger, breathing, blinking, fear, fight or flight

The upstairs brain controls: thinking, planning, imagining, processing, self understanding, control over your body, morals

The brain works best when it is balanced – or ‘integrated’. To vertically integrate the two, we want to work from bottom to top. We want to be able to take the natural, nature instincts from the bottom, and evaluate and control them with the upstairs brain; To think about our emotions and physical feelings from the downstairs and make the right decisions with the upstairs.

With in mind, there are two type of tantrums: upstairs brain tantrums and down stairs brain tantrums. But remember, its not just kids who have tantrums – adults flip their lid too.

Learn more about how these two types of episodes vary inside your brain, and how best to handle them, on my page!

When we handle our own and our kid’s emotions, feelings and actions correctly, we help curb future meantal health struggles and increase emotional intelligence.

https://thejudgementalmom.com/kids-seriously/3/

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A New Way To See Change


Imagine a forest you must travel every day to get to your destination.

After days and weeks and months of taking the same path you always have,
there is a trail worn in and the path is easy to see and travel on. It also
happens to seem like the quickest way there because it’s now been the road most
traveled on.

Every time you take this way though, you have to go through a swamp.
The swamp is not easy and there’s bugs and creatures in it you don’t like but
you take it anyway because that’s just the path you take to get where you’re
going.

Then one day you’ve had enough. You decide to try another way, and instead
of taking the frequently tread, common path, you decide to make your way through
the tall grass where there is no trail. It takes longer at first, you have to
break down the grass and push sticks and logs and large plants out of your way.

Once you finally reach your destination, it’s taken twice as long as the other
path – but there was no swamp this time. No bugs and creatures and animals of
threat lurking. So you take the path the next time and the next time and the
next time.

Soon, the path begins to wear itself in, and it no longer takes twice as long as the other, but the same about of time. And as this new path wears into the ground and becomes the new “common path”, the old path with the swamp grows over. It’s no longer traveled on, and you can’t even see it anymore. 

That’s how change works. In your mind when changing your ways, habits and automatic thoughts; And in life when looking at things metaphorically. It’s hard at first, but perseverance and repetition will lead you to where you want to go.

 

A section I wrote from my site page, Parenting Kids, Seriously.

https://thejudgementalmom.com/kids-seriously/2/

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It’s A Sh*tting Rainbows Kind Of Day


Who has time for self-care. When you work full time and are a mom full time and a wife full time. When you come home from work and have an hour to spend with your son, and have supper, and let him have a bath (because he wants the bath) and get him ready for bed and for you to shower and then go to bed.

It’s a day that you remember that you are the glue that holds everything together. And that with out the small family that surrounds you, you have no one. And that you have no one else to help you but yourself.

Its a day where you’re fighting yourself to make it through work. Fighting the frustaration at work. Fighting the frustrations at home with your loved one. Fighting to keep it together for your child. Fighting to keep an income in and keep the bills paid.

Its a day where you rememeber all the hard times you’ve gone through with and without your family. And how far you have came.

Its a day that you realize nothing gets easier the older you get. That the more responsible you are, the more responsibilities you have. That farther you have to fall.

Its a day where you know you have to keep telling yourself that “this day is so fast, this day is so easy, I’m in such a good mood”. Even though its all lies youre just trying to make yourself believe to make it a little easier.

Its a day you rememeber that you’re not the only one fighting this fight, but knowing that doesn’t really make a difference, if anything it makes this world a darker place.

So you think of your child and the smile their face brings. And remember the light that they are cause you know deep down that somedays they are your only reason to keep going.

Yeah, I’m shitting rainbows today. I even put on my socks that say so.

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The Heartache Of A Working Mom


I hate that someone else has to watch my child during the day.

I hate that they don’t hold him the way I would hold him.

I hate that they are not gentle with him and understanding the way I am.

I hate that they don’t pay attention to him every time he’s trying to talk to them or show them something.

I hate when he gets blamed for something he didn’t do, or when hes takes something from another child but they discipline the other child instead of my son.

I hate that other people watch other people’s children and don’t have the connection or patience for them because they are not their own children.

I hate when they get frustrated because there’s so much going on in a day, and so many little people to care for.

I hate that I sit at work just wanting to go and hold my child.

I hate that there are times throughout the day that my child needs me and I am not there for him.

I hate that I can’t always see what’s always going on and there are things they don’t tell me because they don’t think they are share-worthy.

I hate the ache in my heart that I hold through the day because I miss my child and I am missing these times with my child. Time already goes as fast as it does. I love my job and I love who I am at my job; I love being a mother more.

I hate that I worked so hard to get where I am in my career but I would rather be home with my child.

I hate how much my heart hurts everyday yearning to be with my son and my family.

I hate how hard the world is , and how much harder it is when you are a parent.

I hate that the world does not understand the pain and the heartache on the struggles of being a parent unless those listening are also a parent.

I hate that there is such diversity in parenting, judgment and misunderstanding of little people. I hate that children’s emotions get dismissed; It’s as if no one remembers when they themselves were a child.

I hate how much more hate I hold now that I am a mom.

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Baggage Claim


We are all a little bit of a rollercoaster during our life.
We all have baggage.

But I’ll show you mine if you show me yours

Many things I do is to spite my families ways; And one of their many common ways, is the poker face. A classis narcissist trait.

My family may not have physical beat me, but they may as well have.
To this day they think they have done nothing wrong, and the narcissist gene runs so deep that every single one of them still doesn’t own up to a single hurtful thing they do or have done. The closest thing to an apology I have ever heard was ‘sorry not sorry’


When I was in grade 9, I wasn’t aloud to watch Passion Of The Christ because it was thought to damage me mentally.

I wasn’t aloud to watch Juno, because it was thought that it would make me want to go get pregnant

I was told to make sure I told strangers, like doctors for example, that I had a boyfriend so that they knew I was straight and I would receive optimum care.

I was told that so-and-so doesn’t look like very good company, they do not shower enough. That there mom looks gross. That there was a rumor about their sister.

I was told that I am woman or soon to be one, and that I should be able to handle wounds and blood. That I was weak and dramatic. I had sliced my finger down the middle and through my nail using a mandolin and nearly fainted seeing all the blood, so I was humiliated by my parents.

I was told that maybe I should buy some grapefruit to fill out my bra a little better.

That I was just waiting in line with the other growing girls waiting to become pretty.

That I needed to exercise more because I was too pudgy.

I wasn’t a loud to go walk it off when there was a fight and I need to cool down on my own wanted to sit at the park. The one time I did anyway, the police were contacted.

When there was ever a discussion about self harm I was told it was just dramatics looking for attention by someone who thinks they are a ‘done-wrong princess’

When I wanted hug I was told ‘what, I’m not gonna stand here all day’

I had a hard time having friends, because whenever I did have a friend my parents found some obscure reason not to like them, or they would act so obtuse when my friend was around that they didn’t want to come over any more.

There’s so, so many more, worse ones to recall, but why should I, I’m here now, in a much better place.

Turns out looking back on it, my parents where just always trying to keep the spotlight off themselves.

Anyone else out there with an adventurous childhood like mine?